I had an opportunity to give, and I didn’t.
It was an opportunity to extend to another the same grace given to me by God, and I shied away from it.
I know enough to know that nothing with God is ever random, and in this case, the urge to reach out was so overwhelming, it just had to be him — the Holy Spirit urging me to manifest God. But I hesitated. Pretty much ignored him.
In that instant, I felt something, shame. A feeling that comes about when I let my flesh rule. Shame is a hell of a thing — a veil that breaks intimacy and causes seperation. It makes you want to run (away) and hide (from) God. Exactly where the enemy wants you to be.
The joke is, I had just finished my quiet time, and my focus was love.😊 I really couldn’t have been more connected, or so I thought. An hour or more in the presence of the Lord, and a minute later, my flesh wins. Dang. 😰
Why did I hesitate? Insecurity. Plain and simple.
I did not want to share because I felt like if I did, I would be loosing something. It makes no sense, but at the time, it did. The biblical truth, give and it will come back to you…” got lost in the fatty rolls of my insecurities. I wanted the word for myself alone. The revelation for myself alone. The healing for myself alone. An attitude very contradictory to being “light in the world” and “salt in the earth”. How did I manage to turn something with the potential to be beautiful, into a competition? How did I manage to make it about me?
Here is how. The devil sold Eve on the apple when he made it about her. Having a bite of the apple became more attractive when Eve thought she could be like God. A blind selfishness that clouds all sensibility. The devil knows the potential that is in you, and will feed you lies to keep you stuck. And that’s just it, I felt insecure, when I made it about me.
If you can believe it, I had just cried out to God to use me in radical ways. Then He says ok my love, here you go. Here is a simple, radical way to be used by me. Simply share. Give from what I have just poured into you. But like a bratty 2 year old, I defiantly said…no.
A humble reminder that this living in Christ thing is strictly by the Holy Spirit, and my power and might can only go as far as a dying battery. It is humbling to be reminded that this living a surrendered life thing isn’t just for an hour of quiet time. It is a second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day thing. It is humbling to be reminded that it’s not about me. I ain’t got this as much as I think I do.
Like seriously, I had an opportunity to love in the simplest way, and I flunked heavily. With flying colours in fact.
So my question to you is this. What is God asking you to do that you have been sitting on, or simply ignored? It may seem trivial to you, but to its intended recipient, it could be exactly what is needed for them to see God, and experience His love. It could also be that simple act of obedience that moves those seemingly insurmountable mountains.
Girl…. this cut to the core of the matter. I’ve got to go check myself about the things I’ve been ignoring despite that gnawing.
LikeLiked by 1 person