I think one of the beautiful things that has come out of this hard place called quarantine is finding out that I actually enjoy my own company. I never had the opportunity to learn this fact before because I always had distractions. Some good, and others… not so much.
In this place. This uncomfortable, unruly, disrespectful, smug place of the unknown, I have found great rest. Now don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t all been roses, peaches ‘n’ cream, sunshine and butterflies. Certain thoughts, ideologies, expectations and things that I believed to be true have unraveled right before my eyes, and not all were met with giddy eagerness.
One big thing for me is that I didn’t realize how many crutches I had. Both the things that made me feel connected, and busy, and the people that filled up space. All this time, I have held on so tightly, almost to the point of losing sensation in my hands. I held on for dear life to things and people that could not give me life, even if they tried.
This hard place has been rough, but opening up my palms from its balled up state has meant relief for my tired hands. But also release, signifying a brightly lit sign that says open to receive.
The beauty in this hard place is that I see more clearly. I am not hard pressed to rush. I read slower, giving words room to breathe, and allowing myself the liberty of enjoying the gift of visualization. I practice breathing exercises while doing the mundane things. Things I dislike and would rather finish is .5 seconds, like dishes. I condition my body to be present. To be soothed by the running water, to be taken by the bubbles made by the soap, to dance to the rhythm of the clanks made by metals and glass. To appreciate the cleanliness after the monsoon. I am listening more. I always thought I was a good listener, turns out nope, not really. So I have been intentional about being very slow to speak, and equally very eager to listen |James 1:19|. To be engaged enough to read between the lines. To laugh on cue. To walk hand in hand in conversation. I am being, more than I am doing. Spending time with God, not conscious of time. Dating my husband, and loving growing more in love.
I haven’t read half as much of the books I planned to. I haven’t exercised half as much as I planned to. I haven’t exactly learned a new skill to be certifiable. But I have watched an insane amount of Bollywood movies, and I have enjoyed listening to Margaret Atwood teach me about the art of writing, and I joined a connect group via my church that I absolutely love. I haven’t learned any new recipes, but I have enjoyed whipping up old ones, and having my brother exclaim yo! sis that was so good! I am drinking more water than I ever have, eating more veggies than I care for, and remained consistent with my vitamins. I do plan to step out of the house to walk more, starting this week. But if I don’t, c’est la vie (acceptance, not resignation). I am appreciative of this time, but fully conscious of the people on the frontline, and the families in distress. They are woven into my day, right there in my conversations with my Father |Phil 2:3|.
These are the gems I have found that I am determined to carry over.
Do you have any to share? I am all ears ☺️!