Alabaster Jar

Dear Father,
It’s me again.
We’ve been talking a lot lately,
but this is different than all the other times.
It feels more solid, like I have finally accepted that I am only human,
and subsequently, perched myself in the sweet spot of absolute surrender to the one who is God.
I can’t believe I am saying this, but I am okay with not having all the answers.
It’s irritating yes, but it no longer leaves me incapacitated.
I can breathe.
Not the short, sharp ones I am used to, but the unhurried deep, slow breaths that indicate dominance.
I never considered those to be valuable before, but they are in fact angel dust.
Divine gifts I have come to appreciate, and treasure.
Thank you.

There are a lot of moving parts,
and I admit that it’s a hard fight.
But I am more aware of you, and that is truly beautiful.
I do not have to lose my mind to the chaos of the world.
I can sit in your presence and be still.
I can behold your glory, and relish it.
I can be in the belly of a whale, and trust that the end of the matter is good.
That you have already prepared a safe landing place for me.

I think about Mary, when she lavished her best on you.
A bottle of expensive perfume worth a years wage.
I wondered about what moved her to be so audaciously generous.
Then I remembered that this was not her first time sitting at your feet.
She had sat there before,
the closest seat in the house.
Though there were many in the room,
her experience with you was different. Intimate.
Uniquely hers.
You were all she cared about. Her favourite place.

Mary knew.
You revealed yourself to her, and she believed.
The bread of life she chose to devour.
The well she chose to drink from.
You satisfied her.
Captured her heart.
And she would hunger and thirst no more.

What do you give to someone who has it all?
With her hair, she wiped your feet.
I imagine her hair was long, soft and full.
Mine is, well…not exactly that.
But I know that you will take the best I have to give.
As the sweet and earthy fragrant notes of nard filled the air in the house that day,
so will my worship, today and always.

I pray that everyone that is seeking, finds you.
I pray that in surrendering to your love, you fill all the spaces of their hearts.
I pray that you soothe the aches, mend the broken places, and give peace in the unknown.
Your desire is for everyone of your children to know you.
Please soften the hearts hardened by life, so that they may turn toward you and receive rest.
Like Mary, may we always be eager for you, and receive your word with joy.
May our worship be the content of our alabaster jar poured out to honour you.
In Jesus name. Amen.

John 12:3


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