I struggled a lot this past week. It felt like I had to roll a dice every other minute to decide between checking in with my emotions/feelings, or checking out. I checked out mostly I think, and is probably why I felt so heavy. Ya, I truly felt like logs of wood strapped with rounds of steel core heavy duty iron chains, being dragged along a winding, rough dirt road by a low grade tyrannous driver. Experiencing a loss in the middle of a waiting season, while transitioning into the unknown. Mehn. What a rough week. You want to share your burdens, but grapple to find the words. You also beat yourself up for being weak, certain that God is displeased with you; thinking you should do better because you know better.
All these defeatist thoughts happening with the backdrop of Easter. Which in my humble opinion is the single most important ‘event’ to ever happen. I couldn’t save myself if I tried. I would fail over and over and over till the wheels fall off. But bring in Jesus, and the dice is thrown out the window. God in His infinite wisdom, knew my hearts cry long before I was even a thought. He knew that last week would be an avalanche of emotions, and that it would feel like the wind was knocked out of me and my back was pressed against the wall. He gave me a name that is above all. An all encompassing name. A name that when spoken is an answer to unspoken hurt, pain, disappointment, doubt, anger, frustration, distress and whatever else. He knew, and thus mercy stretched across generations to prepare a way for me. A way to life, so he would become my way of life.
Weakness is a human experience not a flaw, and one that presents an opportunity for divine encounter. It keeps us planted at the feet of Jesus, lest we drown. His grace is sufficient for anyone who calls out to Him, for His power is perfected in weakness |2 Corinthians 12:9|. So, if you like me feel weak, don’t worry, you are in good company. Our flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of our hearts, and our portion forever |Psalm 73:26|. For when I (we) am weak, then I (we) am strong |2 Corinthians 12:10|. This is my truth. This is my declaration. This is the gospel.
PS: Thank you Lord for the encouragers that you have placed in my corner. I hear your voice in their words. May your goodness and mercy follow them all the days of their lives, and may they never want for anything. Fulfill the desires of their hearts Lord, and like trees planted by the riverbank, let them always bare good and lasting fruits. In Jesus name. Amen.