There is a rawness about David’s relationship with God that I love. I was going to use the word envy, but I changed my mind. Love is better suited because, why would I want to attach a negative word to something so beautiful? I aspire to be David’s level of #unfiltered, and if there is a next level, I want it.
I am generally attracted to the ridges and rough edges of God and man interactions. They show that God is not cookie-cutter, and thus dispels the need for perfection. In my opinion, they provide a 360 degree view of what I believe a genuine/ honest relationship is about.
I read the amplified version of Psalm 139 (1:1-18) over the weekend, and I had to sit back for a bit to let it sink in. I guess thats what you call meditating😏. David, the writer, lived a superbly colourful life. He did some pretty rad things, winning wars and all, but he also definitely caressed the alluring curves of lust. Who am I kidding, he more like dived into the pool of lust, and practically became a new cast member of Despicable Me as supervillain Gru 2.0. His actions warranted contempt.
It was at this point I had mixed feelings. I was stirring a pot of mixed goodies, and anger was the main ingredient.
How could a man who slept with another man’s wife, and then have him killed write such a beautiful exaltation to God? What gave him the boldness to use the same mouth and hands that he used to kiss and sanction the unwarranted death of another, to praise God? Why didn’t he hide like Adam and Eve?
All these questions…and I sensed a shift, an awakening if you will…in me.
God referred to David as a man after his own heart, and to God, that is the beginning and the end. In the landscape of beginning to end are walkways that lead to lanes (Ln.) and drives (Dr.) that house humility, trust, reverence, respect, devotion, faithfulness, obedience, repentance and love. All of which David embodied.
In my judgemental space (yup! I’ll own up to it), I saw my hiding places and I wanted to reach for them. But I chose to be like David, to sit still and be raw; right there in God’s presence. I verbalized things I had bottled up for years because I thought them too egregious. messy.
I struggled with this process. My mind just could not comprehend how God could look at me, covered in the raggedy threads of sin and still see me as His own. Then I remembered a Tauren Wells devotional I read a while back called KNOWN. In it he said “God did not ask Adam and Eve what they did, He asked where they where. He wanted to see if they would invite Him in.”
…And with this, a musical quartet of finger snaps went off in my head. Wow I thought, all these years of playing hide and seek, using up all my energy, bowed in discomfort, limping, and stumbling in the dark thinking I was ahead of the curve, that I had fooled God, I was really just playing myself. The whole time, He watched, asked, waited and then repeated the cycle as many times as it took. The Father of all gentle men.
I have learnt one thing. Hiding cuts off air circulation i.e. communication, which leads to separation. Time and time again, I have heard it said that communication is key. The importance is stressed. We are almost beaten on the head with it. Well, no truer words have been said. Communication breeds intimacy, with man & with God.
So here is God, the one who knit you in your mothers womb, meeting you where you are. The one who knows every hair on your body calling out to you. The one who knows your end from your beginning asking, where are you?
I’ll decode…knock knock, may I come in?
Wow. This hit me like a brick. I’ve gone through so many cycles of hiding from God and returning… not necessarily because He “did” anything to me but just because the longer the communication lapses, the guiltier I feel about trying to reconnect. But indeed hiding leads to separation. An important lesson here.